VICTORIA — British Columbia Premier David Eby is reportedly spending so much time trying to figure out what Alberta is doing that maintenance staff briefly mistook him for a ventilation technician.
Witnesses say Eby was discovered peering through a suspended ceiling tile with what one government employee described as “the focus of a man who just heard Alberta might be approving another pipeline.”
“I swear I heard him whisper, ‘Are they drilling again?’” said one office worker. “Then he disappeared back into the ductwork.”
The unusual surveillance operation comes after another week of Alberta-B.C. political sparring over a proposed new west coast pipeline. Alberta and the federal government have unveiled plans for a new export pipeline to the Pacific, while B.C. says it won’t support a pipeline but acknowledges it won’t try to block one if it complies with the agreed framework and tanker restrictions.
Government insiders claim the premier’s new “Alberta Monitoring Program” has expanded well beyond traditional news briefings.
Sources allege Eby now receives instant alerts whenever:
- Danielle Smith says the words “pipeline.”
- Someone in Alberta buys another pickup truck.
- A refinery sneezes.
- A rig count increases by one.
The program allegedly consumes so much government attention that one official joked the province has renamed Google Alerts to “Google Alberta.”
Political analysts remain divided.
Some believe Eby is simply trying to stay informed on developments next door.
Others suspect he has accepted that Alberta’s news cycle is simply impossible to ignore.
At one point, reporters asked why the premier was crawling through ceiling vents.
“I’m not spying,” he reportedly replied. “I’m conducting… interprovincial air-quality research.”
Maintenance staff remain unconvinced.
“We fixed the ceiling three times,” one worker sighed. “Every morning another tile is missing.”
As of publication, Alberta officials reportedly responded by installing louder country music and leaving a fresh stack of pipeline blueprints on the conference table “just to keep him busy.”
