Prime Minister Mark Carney may be Canada’s top diplomat this summer, but apparently his elbows didn’t make the guest list. Despite Carney’s full-throated support for U.S.–led security guarantees and his “Coalition of the Willing” work to support Ukraine , our man from Nepean discovered he’d been left off the exclusive peace talks between Trump, Zelenskyy, Putin, and pals.
Sources say Carney was “outraged—but mostly at his elbows.” That’s right: the formerly intimidating central banker had even rehearsed elbow diplomacy—a highly technical move, involving precise nudges and climate-based jabs—to get everyone back to the negotiating table. “I had the elbows locked and loaded,” Carney was overheard sighing in Ottawa. “Missed opportunities in foreign affairs and my dinner napkins.”
Carney fans, however, were unphased. Liberal insiders suggest that while Trump and the Europeans appreciated Canada’s virtual participation , they didn’t want elbow-shafting republications of carbon bond lectures mid-talk. One official noted, “He’s welcome anytime—just maybe after the elbow bit.”
Meanwhile, in Canada, Carney’s absence from the physical summit hasn’t dented his popularity. Approval hit 50% in early August, and polls credit his steady foreign policy—not elbow mastery—for the stability . The Liberals even held strong during a comeback by Pierre Poilievre, who returned to Parliament but must still prove his gossip-worthiness . Hint: elbow jokes might not help.
On the global stage, Canada continues to make waves. Carney led an Arctic realignment, pivoting to Sweden and Finland while reconsidering fighter jets and forging defense partnerships . And in a diplomatic masterstroke—or elbow flop?—he shared praise for Trump’s push for Ukraine security guarantees, calling them “crucial” .
Not to be outdone by his own limbs, Carney is reportedly planning a staged “Summit of the Slightly Snubbed” inside a Toronto café. Expect cardboard cutouts of Trump, Zelenskyy, and Putin seated at a coffee table. And yes—elbows will be strictly enforced.
Political operatives are split on the long-term effects. Some see it as Carney’s growing irrelevance at physical tables; others see comedic relief as a boon for his populism. “Under-dog, but elbow-strong,” quipped one strategist.
Carney himself remains defiant. “Give me another chance,” he grumbled, “and this time—physically or digitally—my elbows will close the deal.”
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. None of the following events actually happened.
